I have the unequivocal answer to the question that everyone asks.  Will I get fat when I’m in menopause.  And the official answer is:  You might or you might not.  Helpful right?  They do tell you that weight gain is definitely something that happens to women in menopause –  but it doesn’t happen to everyone.  So far, no one has been able to tell me exactly why you gain weight.  I already know that if you had curves when you were younger you’ll probably have fuller curves as you get older.  Over time as the weight piles on the curves can fill in completely or morph you into a different and less desirable shape – don’t make me go on.  But why, in particular, is it worse during or after menopause?

I’ve read a variety of possible reasons for weight gain, hormone fluctuation, livers overloaded with toxins so they can’t process fats adequately, your body hanging on to fat cells because it needs something that will produce estrogen when the reproductive organs conk out or are removed.  And then there’s always the slowing metabolism – but is that menopause or just aging in general?  And in my case, as with many women my age, I probably have to factor thyroid issues into the equation.  Is any or all of this happening to me?  I don’t know.  But why don’t I?

Because here’s the really frustrating thing.  First they (the docs) tell you it’s very likely that you’ll gain weight during menopause – it’s what usually happens.  And then, as if totally unrelated, they tell you you’d better figure out how to keep your weight in check – HELLOOOO were you not there for the menopause/weight gain portion of the conversation?  How about a little sympathy, some acknowledgement and even some support here?  You’re not encouraging me if you’re making me feel like I’m losing my mind.  Get a little bedside manner, please!  Next they give you really stupid advice on weight management that can have no other effect than to frustrate the hell out of you.  “Try eating less but don’t let yourself be hungry.”  “Try eating flavorless crap but make sure you get enough protein and fiber and keep those calories way down – and whatever you do, don’t salt anything!”  Bite me.

I think we need a support group here.  And it should be led by a counselor who really understands what is happening to us and what can be done about it – oh I don’t know, maybe – a doctor?  And I want this doctor to work with each of us individually, evaluate our specific bodies and tell us why we (again individually) are gaining weight and precisely what kind of weight management will work for each of us.  I don’t want this doc to be disgusted because we’ve grown in jean size – it’s not our fault so give us a little slack.  Acknowledge that Mother Nature is playing a cruel joke on us and help us learn practical ways to find our way back into the game.  Don’t waste our time addressing every possible cause of weight gain under the sun – what is MY problem?  Do some bloodwork.  I don’t want to fight the liver toxin battle if hormones are my particular problem.  And I don’t want to spend time lifting weights if I will get better results from my treadmill.  You say that kind of fine tuned, individualized treatment doesn’t exist yet?  I say why the hell not?  Why do the docs always sound like this “well, maybe you should consider eating less…, and you could try running on the treadmill with the elevation set to…maybe, try, could, might…  Why can’t they be more precise?  What is going to work for me?  Stop guessing!

Now some of you are thinking “well there are programs that do just that sort of…”  Let me stop you right here.  I’ve seen plenty of programs that claim to do this or something very similar but I’ve never seen one that really does in a healthy and sustainable way.  It’s different for women who’ve just had a baby and are trying to lose their excess baby weight than it is for the menopausal woman.  Even when I was in my mid forties I had hurt my back and gained a bunch of weight.  I went to my doctor, he put me on a very livable diet and exercise program and I lost 35 pounds in just about a year.  I felt great and I looked great.  Now, that very same program is helping me tread water but that’s about all – the pounds aren’t melting away like they did only a few years ago – pre-surgery/pre-menopause.  It is harder in menopause!  I think what we really need here is a brilliant scientist who studies both the bodies of those women who go through menopause without gaining weight and the rest of us.  Then determine how the bodies differ and replicate the preferred chemical or metabolic profile in the rest of us.  Come on people this cannot be that hard!