It can be every bit as good as or sometimes even better than it was 30 years ago.

Let’s face it. Sex is good for us. Physiologically and psychologically. But as we get older some things change. Some of those changes can have a negative impact on our sex lives and make things more challenging than when we were in our 20’s. It becomes easier to let intimacy slip away than to deal with unpleasant and sometimes de-motivating issues. But don’t give up too easily – it’s definitely worth a fight!

Here are three things that can perk up stalled intimacy:

1. Make each experience a sensory indulgence. That can be as simple as a glass of wine to get in the mood (don’t finish the whole bottle until afterward or that could cause “other” problems) or go all out with satin sheets and nightgown. Whatever decadence is for you – indulge yourself. Just make sure that your indulgence works for your partner.

2. Address any physical issues that are negatively impacting your experience. For men we know the most commonly addressed issue is erectile dysfunction. It has become a household phrase. If that’s your issue – and make sure it’s also your spouse’s issue – we don’t all require our men to walk around looking like flagpoles for three hours at a time – so make sure there really is an issue. And if there is – consult your doctor. You’re not telling him/her anything he/she hasn’t heard before. For you women, if your partner is too embarrassed to seek medical attention – do it for him and report back what you’ve learned. Help each other out here. Certainly there are other physical issues for men – the majority can be conquered through professional medical attention. And if you doctor can’t help you – find one who can. Make sure you focus on the fact that any physical problems are strictly that – they are in no way a measure of manhood!

As for you women, vaginal dryness is probably the most common problem. It doesn’t mean you’re too old to be sexually active – it means you need to figure out how to fix it to keep your sexual encounters from becoming painful. Sometimes hormones are the answer – and sometimes they’re not enough. There is also a 2-week estradiol treatment that can eliminate dryness along with numerous vaginal lubrication products. Figure out what works for you and start enjoying yourself again! Talk to your doctor for any comfort issues connected with intimacy and if your doctor can’t help – find one who can!

3. Address any emotional issues – some of these may be new and some may be clinging on from your youth (20-year olds have baggage too!). Here are some easy fixes:

Problem with Libido? A little light reading can help with that. Sometimes it’s as simple as reading one of Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum novels – or maybe you need something a little more hard-core (sorry about the pun). Figure out what works for you and use it. Just make sure that your partner doesn’t get carried away trying to help and find something that actually ends up being a turn-off. Remember guys – sometimes the light romance works better than the heavy duty explicit stuff.

Not feeling sexy these days? Perhaps a sexy new nightgown (and don’t forget that glass of wine) will make you feel sexy and feminine. If things have evolved too far for that to work – turn out the lights or get yourself a blindfold. If your partner is interested in intimacy with you don’t doubt his feelings of attraction and impose your critical views of yourself in the equation – find a way to let yourself enjoy his attention.

He’s not doing it how you like it? Sorry, you’re gonna have to tell him – don’t make him guess!

OK I know things are not always this cut and dry (oops another cheesy pun) and some of you are dealing with more serious issues, but many a relationship can get back on track by just adhering to the above guidelines. What the hell – it’s worth a shot. Just for the physiological benefits alone you should fight for it!