We are woman in our fifties and we come in all shapes and sizes.  As with women of all ages we can be sleek and chic or dumpy and frumpy and a host of other visual ranges.

But what do people see when they look at us?  I think that’s an issue we wrestle with our whole lives.  At least I have.  When we’re young girls they look at us and see inexperience and immaturity.  When we’re morphing into women they see gangly and awkward.  Or do they?

I know for my whole life I have made assumptions as to what people were thinking when they looked at me.  I’ve usually tried to take my Mom’s advice and “make the most of what I have” but some days when I tire of the work required, days when I’m only going to paint a bedroom and I probably won’t “see” anybody, I get lazy.  On those days I can look like the homeless guy laying in the road beggin’ for whiskey money – and that’s been true at any age.

At every age, and with every iteration of my “look” I have assumed how people were perceiving me.  Some days my imagined perception has made me feel good about myself.  Days when I took special care to maximize my assets – and often on those days I receive compliments that reinforce my assumptions.  Then there are the days when I hear the doorbell ring and run upstairs so that no one can see me when my husband answers the door – you know – those no make-up, hair like a rat tail, dumpy sweatshirt and baggy jean days – most of us have them.

I know I’ve never been one of those “perfection at all moments, make-up that stays on 24/7, pull your ski cap off and perfect ringlets of curl fall seductively around your face” type women.  In fact I can’t even pretend I get them – seems like way too much work.  And I can only thank god that I am not one of those – ok I’m 50 but most people think I’m only 28 and hot so I’ll dress really really seductively and wear way too much make-up and guys will be drooling all over me types.  Eeeewwwww!!!

So here I am, your average woman.  I look great on some days and like crap on others.  And now I’m in my fifties which brings us to the whole point – did entering my 50’s give me an overlay of looking old that I carry with me always?

My honest and cerebral opinion is no.  I look at 50 and 60 even 70+ women and think, my god she’s lovely.  So classically chic.  I’m not focused on age when I do that.  I also look at 35 year old women and think – could you make an effort, honey?  Honestly you’d feel better about yourself!  Still not age-centric.

I know that being in my 50’s does not automatically place the emphasis on my being old.  Why, one twenty-something guy in my office once commented on a statement I made about feeling old “I don’t see you as old, I see you as a really cool lady”.  I could tell he really meant it.

So why do I persist in thinking that people see me as old first and foremost?  When I know what they’re really seeing is what’s inside me – and that’s ageless.  And they’re responding to that in a variety of awesome ways (OK sometimes the response is not optimal – but that is almost never impacted by age – usually by that fact that I’ve aggravated them in some way.  Some things never change).

I guess the question I’m asking is: how does a 50-something woman get it out of her head that her age is a factor – more so than ever before in her life?  I know its bullshit but sometimes I find myself thinking that way – and I never have before.  I know other women feel the same based on comments I hear.

Why should age be front and center in our lives more than ever before – it shouldn’t!  So work on getting it out of your head or you’ll torture yourself over nothing.  But if you are that “I’m too lazy to make any effort so I’ll dress like a bag lady and I’ll just satisfy myself to feel like crap all the time” woman –  try getting off your butt and putting a little work into it – you might like it!  Is that a shallow way to think – maybe but that’s life!  If you feel you look good you feel good!  Simple math!