Being forgetful.  It becomes a big fear as you get older.  And menopause is infamous for causing “problems with concentrating” and “memory lapses.”  But does it really?  Or are we just more conscious of routine forgetfulness as we advance in years and approach menopause?  Some women even use it as a convenient catchall for the inability to focus, “Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just in menopause”, but for the rest of us it’s scary as hell.

I know I do forget things.  In fact, this morning I had to think a minute before I could remember where I’d saved this file since starting it yesterday.  But didn’t I always have that problem?  I forget.

But seriously, we can drive ourselves crazy by scrutinizing every memory lapse, attributing them either to menopause or worse – senility.  My husband and I have developed the unfortunate habit of acknowledging every slip.  After each acknowledgment we share “the look” which is halfway between a mildly amused chuckle at the stupidity and abject terror over the implications for our future.  Trust me – it’s not a good look.  And in all honesty, I’m not sure we’re forgetting more now than we ever have – we’re just torturing ourselves more.

I’m starting to get way too much pleasure from the forgetfulness of my younger colleagues.  When I hear one of them utter, “Oh damn, I forgot my building access badge today” I’m thinking, “Too bad you don’t have my crack memory, I remembered mine, Oh yeah I did!”  The problem is it’s too easy to chalk the lapses of the young into either, “well, they have so much going on in their lives” or “big party last night – major hangover”, so the pleasure is short lived.

One twenty-something colleague made me feel much better when he asked to borrow my pass to the annual Berkshire Hathaway meeting.  Not wanting to forget to bring it in the next day (and feel like a true moron in front of a young guy) I told him I’d run home and get it right then.  Although he assured me that he wasn’t in that much of a rush I told him I wanted an excuse to bring my dog into the office that afternoon anyway.  When I passed by him the next morning he commented soberly “I just want to remind you to bring your pass in.”  I stopped for a minute and thought, then I looked at him and said “You mean the pass I brought in for you yesterday, the one you got while you were playing with my dog?”  “Duh”.  See, I know for a fact he’s not menopausal!  It was awesome!

So I guess the important thing to remember is to relax – and not get paranoid every time you forget some little thing.  One way to loosen up a bit is to remember some of the dopey things you did in your youth.  Like the time I forgot to pick my friend up when she dropped her car off for service before work (we were both high school teachers then).  When I spotted my reminder note in homeroom I had visions of her standing at the car dealer’s, missing her homeroom and cursing the day she met me.  I grabbed a hall monitor – bolted toward the office only to smack into Natalie running the other way  – on her way to confess that she had left me waiting to pick her up at the car dealer.  We were both twenty something then and clearly our memories were not stellar.  I’m guessing that I could conjure up a whole bunch of dimwitted stories like that from my youth – at least I could if my memory were better!