The new face of menopause is mine. It used to be that of an old lady, but not anymore. It’s not that I’m any younger than the women of yesterday – but I’m younger in spirit. And I’m not alone. Far fewer women going through menopause are frumpy and dowdy as were most of the women of 50, even 30, years ago. We’re living longer and we’re staying younger longer. Problem is – so many people still associate menopause with the time when a woman gets old so there’s that stigma. Some women wear it as a badge of courage – I’m old and I’m proud. But most of us would rather disassociate ourselves from the one thing that will certainly rob us of our youth. After my hysterectomy I was very quick to point out that I was in surgical menopause because I wanted people to know that I wasn’t old enough to get there naturally. And to some extent I still hang on to that surgical menopause life raft. In fact, I can honestly say that I’m younger than the age when the average woman enters menopause. And I’ll be saying that for as long as I can!

So much of aging is gradual that there are few clear benchmarks clanking into place with the finality and ferocity of a jail cell door at Riker’s Island (notice the subtle analogy). Becoming a grandmother and going through menopause are two signs that are unmistakable. But what if you’re not ready to be old? Well, on some level you will have to accept that you’re hitting the maturity phase of your life. That doesn’t have to mean walkers and wheelchairs are in the immediate horizon anymore.

So how do you maintain your youthful exuberance once menopause has commandeered your reproductive system? There are two things you have to do. First, you have to believe in your youthfulness and know that there’s really not a neon sign flashing on your forehead proclaiming to the entire world that you’ve become an old hag. That’s so much easier said than done (I swear on a dark night I can see that sign flash). And second, you have to navigate through the dummies that are around you. That’s even tougher.

As far as the neon sign goes. If it’s there it’s because you put it there. If you let yourself feel youthful it will be so. How you feel about yourself changes how you move and how you look and it does make a big difference in what those around you observe when they look at you. It’s hard to change how you feel – but not impossible. Work on it. It’s your greatest asset.

Whatever you do, don’t fall into the trap of dressing like a 20-year-old – that just makes you look like a desperate old woman who’s trying way too hard – it’s pathetic! In fact, don’t go overboard either way. I once wore a cute new tee shirt to the office on a Friday. One of the twenty-somethings walked by and belted out, “You sure look Gen X today”! My reaction scared 10 years off of the poor guy’s life. “Oh God, do I look like I’m trying to look young?” “Do I look stupid”? Later, as I analyzed that moment in my head, I realized that my stupid overreaction had made a really nice person who had elected to pay me an innocent compliment feel like a piece of crap. Way to go, genius! He probably crawled back to his desk and announced to everyone nearby – danger, menopause alert! But it is absolutely possible to dress stylishly and be trendy in an age appropriate way. I know – not all of us are fashionistas. If you don’t fall into this category, find yourself a personal shopper and build a kick-ass wardrobe that flatters your best features. You’ll drop 20 years with that move alone – and you won’t look as though you’re trying too hard. Then, stop focusing on your age in relation to those around you. Stop saying things like, “Well, I guess I’m the oldest one in this room.” Honestly, no one else is thinking like that – but if you are, you could run the risk of sending it telepathically to everyone else. Why take that chance!? You may have gathered from my comments that I’ve not yet made this youthful mindset the entrenched habit that I want it to be. I’m working hard at it – and I’m improving – but I’m not quite there yet. I’ll keep you posted on how I’m doing with it.

As far as navigating the dummies, there are varying levels. But there are probably not as many as you think. All through life we make assumptions on how people view us. Often we’re wrong. In or near menopause we frequently make the assumption that we are being viewed and judged as being “older” – when in reality sometimes the viewing is more about the fact that our butt happens to look really good that day! Try to make the assumption that you’re being judged on your sparkling personality and your inimitable style. Even when a young person gets up to offer you a chair – it could be that their foot fell asleep and not that they saw how feeble you are and were afraid you’d fall over. If their actions are blatant and derogatory you don’t want to be around them anyway. Leave their company for that of people who are less pigeonholed and judgmental – you’ll end up having a lot more fun. Then have as much fun as you legally can, and bask in the knowledge that your life is already better than theirs’ and they still have to get older and deal with what’s in their own head – and trust me – that’s gonna be ugly!